DEAR RONNIE

5 november 2010

so. thirty-one days after i safely and thankfully landed at NAIA, i have been on a roll, workwise, that is. i immediately plunged into meeting my deadline and completed the lineup of articles for my current project – a devotional that will be published and launched next month. it was an eye straining, mentally draining and physically taxing exercise rewarded only by warm congratulations on how focused and how quick i am when it comes to producing work.

the following weeks will see me working side by side with the editorial manager of the publication who will back up the project. this means lengthy meetings and discussions as to the merits of the lineup, what Bible verses to use appropriately and which fits the chronology from day 1 to day 365.

the title of the book is 365 SUPPLEMENTS FOR THE HEART, obviously catering to day by day devotional moments. i must say that in spite of the hard scramble to find the correct (and eclectic) materials, the rough drafts are worth the mining.

meanwhile, during small lulls, i often wonder where the last three weeks of my holidays have gone? what did happen? it seemed dreamlike that earlier this year you sent me the money to get a ticket to visit you, that you groped in making the suitable travel and hotel arrangements for the eastern leg of our vacation, that the build-up and anticipation of our reunion took time ever oh so slowly, and now, more than 14 days of holidays are gone, over, done with. the only traces left are memorized in USBs we both have copy of and animated whenever we click the right button in our windows picture viewer.

did you really have a good time with me? no tinge of regrets? i do. i wish i had extended my leave and spent more time with you (the bummer was my deadline, of course). i wish we had rested more in between instead of engaging in the mad teenage rush to see sights and be photographed. i wish we had more time to talk - the long walks and the long travels in-between took so much of our energy that we hardly had time to pause. nevertheless, i wish we had explored boston more, and stayed longer inside the harvard campus. you can imagine how i related to some scenes in “the social network” when i watched the movie here. i wish i had convinced you to watch “mama mia!” even if you are not fond of abba. i wish we had lingered longer in times square and central park. i wish we had more time and sun to lazily stroll from the lincoln memorial to the congress in d.c. i wish we went back to that street in chicago where we saw these dancers being very hospitable to the guests. i wish i had engaged you more in heartfelt conversations, to ask how you really are without prying too much, to check if there are any traces of sadness that could be compensated even minutely by my presence, to even do some biblical exchanges in spite of our mischiefs. but all these are mere wishes now.

i am happy for much of your lot. that you do have a good-paying job, in spite of your gripes on costs of living, tax deductions, remitting back home, lack of enough savings. that you do live in a nice house (in spite of the disarray!!!). that you have adjusted to your routine, in spite of the painful long walks that you do everyday (how much longer do you have to do that?). that your papers are, by God's grace, nearing the culmination of a longed-for residency. that yes, in spite of your aloneness, you are surviving day by day, minute by minute, with a grateful acceptance of your fate.

i am happy for your blessings. but believe it or not, i would be happier still, if at the very least, we are close by physically - especially now that we are past our golden age, and growing older can be less painful in the company of equally old friends, grumpy or not. i am also thankful for your very generous heart. i know how you are. you have supported me through much of my younger days, and you did it again without reservations this time. (i wonder if you'd feel differently when you receive the credit card bills??? he-he-he). i don't know where the road leads sometime later. was that holiday our last together? i pray not. because i think we deserve another chance at other adventures and even misadventures. but if, in my insensitivity, i caused a little ripple in your heart that might have made you anxious of anything, i trust you will overlook that.

don't be too quiet for too long. i really like to know what's going on with you. and we should do this more often. growing old together in spite of the distance is better than growing old apart and alone.

thank you, thank you, thank you again, ronnie.
you are loved.