REFRAINS ON RAINY NIGHTS

“I look out and I see the rain
as it falls on my window pane
and the music that’s in my heart
is a sad refrain…”


there was that time when we were stuck in P-7/1 and the rain was pounding hard on our pre-fab house and the lights were out because the generator ran out of fuel and all we had were two yellow candles which you neatly stuck on two ouzo glasses after we ran out of that minty anise-flavoured liqueur.

do you remember?

you took the phone off the hook so you said no one could reach me so you could have me all to yourself. you were tipsy, so was i. and as we watched flashes of lightning through the flimsy curtains that separated the outside world and the darkness of the flat, we touched and felt our own flashes of warmth. the current was far more electrifying than the thunderous explosions outside.

do you remember?

i took out the recently received battery-operated dvd player. you helped me unwrap it. and then you put annie lennox’s MEDUSA and pressed no. 3 on the remote. you held your hands out as the melody of the song filled the room… “we skipped the light fandango, turned cartwheels ‘cross the floor…” and we danced. softly. ever so softly. “..and so it was later as the miller told his tale that her face at first just ghostly turned a whiter shade of pale…” i cupped your face and felt you press my butt. and we kissed. tenderly. ever so tenderly. while the room swirled and swirled and swirled and we drowned down, down, down inside annie’s slimy pit.

do you remember?

you teased me and convinced me much, much against my will to striptease for you. you, naughty thing! i was too embarrassed to sway and gyrate so gracelessly. when the saxophone on george michael’s wham-my “careless whisper” hit the right notes, you gave me that sexy look and i gave in to you. boy, was i so red! the ouzo and the wine had completely overtaken me. i tossed my clothes at you, piece by piece until i found myself completely disrobed - save for the white cotton briefs that hardly concealed my excitement. “…never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm… though it's easy to pretend i know you're not a fool…” but you had me fooled. you, imp! you moved forward teasingly and inserted a few bills around the waistband of my covering. and you didn't let me stop. you egged me on. and on. and on. you asked for more. more. more. i thought i’d die as i watched you roll on the floor laughing.

do you remember?

you got hungry and raided my pantry. you suddenly craved for pasta in the middle of the night! i shook my head in disbelief and let you walk away from me towards the kitchen. five minutes later, you called me. and shocked me. you were bare. in my kitchen. my eyes swam at the sight of such beauty. where did you come from? your chiseled physique was too unbearable not to touch. oh, the smoothness of you. and how pleasant to look. my knees weakened and my throbbings were so mortifyingly flagrant. do you want to eat, you asked. i had wanted to say, i want to taste you, but i just smiled and moved towards you instead… “like a moth to a flame burned by the fire…”

we can’t have physical contact.
why not?
when our bodies touch, we could be emotionally involved.
ha-ha-ha. impossible.
how so?
i’m already engaged. i can’t be emotionally involved.

and then we kissed. again.
your tongue on mine melted me.
exploring as needing to be explored.
as we touched.
and went beyond touch.

fifty-four minutes later, our curse began.

do you remember?
do you?
i do.

and the remembrance, like a refrain, recurs every time the rain falls.
like now.

i miss you.

i miss you because i have tasted how it felt to be with you. by you. inside you. and there is no way i can explain this being incomplete and yet being whole when i think of you. strange enough, missing you does not take me down melancholic roads. if at all, missing you uplifts me. missing you allows joy to overtake gloom. missing you unclouds the sun on a rainy night. missing you brings out a sense of gratefulness for the fact that even for that briefest flash in time, i have known how it was to be a part of you. i will not have it any other way.


“memories of you follow
everywhere i go
down the highs and byways of my days
music of your laughter
fills my every dream
like a love song from long ago...”

you are not from my long ago.
you are still my here and now.