SUNDAY

This is the purest of all moments. Quietude abounds. Perfect tranquility. I take pleasure – bordering on the divine – at the aloneness offered by this particular time. No one is around. Everything is still. Awaiting the “fade-in” of noise, of footsteps, of pleasant greetings, of smiles and polite nods, of whispers, of preparing the heart for coming together as one worshipping body.

Today is Sunday.

And as is akin to all Sundays past, we await for Our Father to be enthroned. Not only in the Bulwagan, the place, but also in our own bulwagan – the core of our being – our heart. We not only feel his presence, we know. We not only lift His Name, we bask in it. We not only magnify His holiness, we make ourselves small.
And we remember every single thing we are grateful for. For this life. For this very existence. For the celebration of everything that is true, good, beautiful. And for the Creator of all visible and invisible things who – beyond our wildest imaginations – has been minding our business since our very own Day One.

What indeed have we got that He is ever so mindful of us? Nothing.

Except His love.

The very same thing that I like to offer in my minuteness to all who matters. Amid everything that they all might already have.

This Sunday. And always.

NILOLOOB

minamasdan kita
habang magkayakap
ang ngiti at simangot
sa iyong mukha
kaya’t walang makapagsabi
nang tiyak – maging ikaw
kung alin sa dalawa
ang ipinamamalas mo sa
lahat.

ihinahatid kita
sa iyong pag-uwi
subalit kalahating oras
pagkalipas
kahit ang kapiling na’y iba
hindi ka pa rin
mawaglit sa guni-guni
ko.

sinusundan kita
nang may paghihinala
kahit alam kong
maling-mali ito at
maling-mali ako.

maraming beses na akong umiyak
para sa iyo
tungkol sa iyo
dahil sa iyo
at minsa’y alang-alang
sa iyo
ibinibisto mo sa akin
ang mga sikreto mo
samantalang sinasarili ko naman
ang mga sikreto ko.

nagkakatampuhan tayo.
at inaaway mo ako
habang ipinaglalaban naman kita
sa lahat ng tao at buong mundo.

kinagigiliwan kita
at kinaiinisan
nang hindi lalabis
at hindi kukulang
nang patas at parehas
nang sabay at pantay.
akala ko’y ikamamatay ko
ang mga gabing hindi ka sisipot
sa mga pamamasyal at paglilibot
pero pag nandiyan ka naman
gusto kong magpakipot.

minamahal kita
nang di nagtatanong kung dapat
nagtitiwala ako
nang walang pakialam
kung ikaw ay tapat.

sa piling ng iba o
maging ng mga barkada
ngumingiti ako’t
di tumitigil sa pagtawa
kahit alam kong
wala akong mahugot
ni kapirasong ngiti o
ni katiting na tuwa.

kung hindi mo ako lubos na matanggap
maaari bang huwag mo nang
kahihiyan ko’y ipagkalat?

pinaglalaruan ka
ng aking paningin
habang nilalaro mo ako
sa hindi mo pagpansin.
humuhuni ka ng matatamis na awit
habang pinapatay ang
dumaraang saglit
habang ako nama’y pinapatay
ng inip at pananabik.

naglulubid ako ng buhangin
kahit alam kong hindi tama
ginugulo kita at ginagambala
kahit alam kong lahat ng iyan ay masama.

nanggigilalas ako
sa isang-libo’t isang bagay
na kaya kong gawin
dahilan sa pag-ibig.
namamangha akong
kaya kong mabuhay at
abutin ang tagumpay
lampasan ang mga pagsubok
luksuhan ang mga tinik
daanan ang mga balakid
na nakaharap at nakatakip.

tunay ngang ang unang binhi ng pagsuyo
ay dapat na ingatan upang ito ay lumago.

kahit ngayon
hindi ko mailarawan
kung ano’ng pakiramdam
ang bumabalot sa katauhan.
minamahal kita
nang higit pa sa pagmamahal
at kung iyan ay dahil
sa nalalapit mong pamamaalam
sa unti-unti mong paghulagpos
at dahan-dahang paglisan
o dahil kaya sa
ikaw ang nagpapaikot ng mundo ko
at nagpupuno ng kakulangan ko
at ang sinasandalan ng kaluluwa ko –
hindi ko lubusang maipaliwanag.

iginapos ko nang mahigpit
ang buhay ko sa iyo –
kahit alam kong wala itong
kasing gulo.
sino ang magsasabing
libangan lamang
ang pag-ibig sa puso?

mahal na mahal kita
totoong-totoo
at hindi ko sinasadyang
ito’y malaman mo!

SOMETIMES

Last night, just to lull me to sleep, I put on an old Carpenters CD and was touched by the last song in their Carpenters album. It’s entitled “Sometimes” (click to listen to the song) and it reminded me of a very important thing that is quite often neglected – making our loved ones feel appreciated.


Sometimes not often enough
We reflect upon the good things
And those thoughts always center around those we love
And I think about those people who mean so much to me
And for so many years have made me so very happy
And I count the times I have forgotten to say thank you
And just how much I love them


On that note, let me say thank you and I love you to all the people who mean so much to me: Tatay Nanay Junior Marilou Elma Alding Biboy Toto Jing and their respective families. Jun Tony Tatay Rudy Geni Norrie Joji Ronnie Papa Herman John Connie Jimmy Mike Roger Pat Ike Rex Ricky Eddie Mandy Mercy Galie Kuya Ed Harry Rollie Mila Rene Remil Boy Danny Billy Jun Dom Mike Manfred Monika Florian Johannes Lukas Mark Jens Ulli Mahdi Nizar Klaus Renate Alan Kris Dave George Allen Weny Ed Nona Joseph DBD Ralph Glenn and most especially to my so so so loved Jom.

(Other names which are temporarily shut out of memory will be added as they hit the surface.)