FLASHBACK

Close to ten years
After we last explored our souls
And cried under our shadows
And weaned away our hearts

More than three years
After I listened to your plea
to be freed and let go
and to shield you against
your confusions and
your blind corners and
your personal demons –

I have remained mum.

This does not mean
I have given you up.

I haven't.
Not one bit.

A PRAYER FOR RALPH

Heavenly Father, I thank you for people that you send my way – most especially friends, old and new, who share my celebration of life. I thank you for Ralph who crossed the line of anonymity to become one of the few new persons who have become part of my everyday.

I ask you Father to bless his heart. That in the midst of too many ugliness around, he will find beauty in the meaning of his life. That in the many battles he will wage, lead him to choose good over bad, better over good, best over better. That in the many confusions that may arise in the future, he will choose to hold on to you instead of himself. I ask you Father to continue to raise good seeds of kindness and love and harmony in his being.

Teach him about love and what love truly means. Teach him that loving is not only a physical and emotional state; it is also deeply rooted in our spiritual selves. Teach him that to love You above all else will put all other loves in order. Teach him that love has its special season and perfect timing. Teach him that love transcends race, color, sex, creed. Teach him that love cannot be forced nor stretched nor given away expecting something in return. Teach him that love hurts and requires sacrifices but yields joyful dividends. Teach him that love covers a multitude of shortcomings; that it does conquer a lot, if not all.

Teach him about life and the celebration of each passing moment. Teach him that life is not always rosy; that the thorns come with the rose. Teach him that life contains not only peace but also war, not only happiness but also sadness, not only success but also failure, not only laughter but also tears. Teach him to value living and to enjoy every significant twists and turns he will encounter. Teach him to enjoy his youth and everything that comes with it, but teach him to temper his freedom, too. Teach him that life is a gift and that it is up to him how best to use and appreciate not only the gift itself, but more importantly the Giver.

Teach him about knowledge. Teach him that you are the source of all information and wisdom. Teach him that you are the source of light and that if he asks, you will give. Teach him to focus on his studies, to be attentive to his teachers, to be willing to do hard work in order to achieve, to be responsible in his duties as a student and to be grateful for his parents’ support by means of passing all his classes.

Teach him to be diligent in all he does and to be able to weave dreams so that his steps are directed by them. Teach him to believe in himself, that he is wonderfully made and that in all his uniqueness, he is what you want him to be.

I thank you Father that you have allowed Ralph and I to cross paths. Help me to be a good mentor to him, and by your grace and will, bless this newfound friendship. Let him learn from me. Let me learn from him. Let us learn from you.

In Jesus’ name.

Amen.

READY?

Barry Manilow’s voice belted out in the background while the opening credits of the Goldie Hawn-Chevy Chase film ”Foul Play” started to roll.

You remind me I live in a shell
Safe from the past and
doing okay but not very well
No jolts, no surprises
No crisis arises
my life goes along as it should
It’s all very nice but not very good.

And I’m ready to take the chance again
Ready to put my life on a line with you
Been livin’ with nothing to show for it
You get what you get when you go for it
And I’m ready to take the chance again with you…

For a minute there, it reawakened the questions: Am I ready to take the chance again, put my life on the line again…?

Silence.

And then the thought of the now nearly ten years love affair with only myself resurfaced. There has been no one to warm the pillows and duvets with since. No playing footsy with. No back massaging. No breakfasts shared in bed. No crossword puzzle solving contests. No picnics. No late night movies. No impulsive shopping sprees. No one to argue with.

There is a hollow space. But there is no sense of emptiness either.
When memories of bygone times still fill you to the brim, it is not too difficult to sleep, wake up, and live alone.

I think I am still cozy with the “no-jolts, no-surprises” thing.
Aloneness is better than being with just anybody.